Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing.  They've never met.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
   go down on you.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces themself.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she
   did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
   (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
   blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
   Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
    the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
   
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A labrador.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!

Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".

Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
 "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
 "Driver's licence? What's that?..."
 "It's a little card with your picture on it."
 "Oh, duh! Here it is..."
 "May I have your car insurance?"
 "What's that?..."
 "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
 "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:
 "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
 Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
 Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
 Blonde:   Yes.
 Operator: The power in the house in on?
 Blonde:   Of course.
 Operator: And the switch is on?
 Blonde:   Yes, yes.
 Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
 Blonde:   No, it's working fine.
 Operator: Then what's the problem?
 Blonde:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell
           and hurt ourselves.

Q: How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A: She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
   She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut
   it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival
of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going
to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd
brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during
conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook