Warum haben Maenner Beine? Damit sie nicht den ganzen Tag Sackhuepfen muessen. Was ist ein Macho? Ein Mann der sich einen blasen laesst und dann fragt: "Na, wie war ich ?" Was ist ein Ober-Macho? Ein Mann, der sich einen blasen l"asst, keinen hochbekommt und dann die Frau fragt: "Passiert dir so etwas oefter?" Rennen drei Typen durch den Wald. Sie retten einen Zauberer. Der gewaehrt ihnen zum Dank jedem einen Wunsch. Der erste Typ: Ich moechte 10 mal schlauer werden als ich jetzt bin ! Paff ! Und es geschah... Der zweite Typ: Ich moechte 100 mal schlauer sein als ich jetzt bin ! Paffffff !!! Und es geschah... Der dritte Typ: Ich moechte 1000 mal schlauer sein als ich jetzt bin ! Uuuuund Paffffffffffff, da war er eine Frau... Warum koennen saemtliche Frauen so schlecht einparken? Weil die Maenner ihnen immer erzaehlen, dass soviel: >--------------------------< 30 cm sind! H"agar zu Sven Gl"uckspilz: "Es gibt nur zwei Dinge "uber die man sicher sein kann: 1. M"anner sind intelligenter als Frauen. 2. Die Welt ist eine flache Scheibe." Da wo Maenner ihr Gehirn haben, haben Frauen ei Loch. Was ist der Unterschied zwischen Maennern und Chappi? Chappi gibt's auch mit Hirn. Was mach das Arschloch der Frau beim Geschlechtsverkehr? Es sitzt zu Hause und passt auf die Kinder auf. Ein Mann im Gespraech mit seinem Gott: Mann: Herr, warum hast Du den Frauen ein so schoenes Gesicht gegeben ? Gott: Damit ihr Maenner sie liebt! Mann: Und warum solch einen schoenen Koerper und so sanfte Haut? Gott: Damit ihr Maenner sie liebt! Mann: Aber, _warum_ hast Du sie dann so bloed gemacht??? Gott: Damit sie euch Maenner auch lieben ... STUPID MEN JOKES ================ What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds Mature. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? Why do men want to mary virgins? They can't stand criticism. I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?" Shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain. What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business. How is a man like a snowstorm? Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover? He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal. Why are men like laxatives? They irritate the shit out of you. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing. If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convienience stores and drive through windows. Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed. Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love. How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it? Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? "Fifthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how sad - a dead bird." The other man looked up and said, "where?" Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swellin down.